Mark 13 -

My days have been very heavy the last week, and it all came to climax this morning.  Last night I had the honor of doing photography for the funeral of man in our church- John Williams.  I wrote about it on my photography blog here.

   It seems quite fitting to talk about Mark 13.  Things are starting to heat up and the Pharisees are looking for ways to kill Jesus.  So Jesus is starting to have serious talks with his disciples and prepare them for a time when they won't have him around.  In Mark 13:1 it says...

"As he walked away from the Temple, one of his disciples said, "Teacher, look at that stonework! Those buildings!"

 ²Jesus said, "You're impressed by this grandiose architecture? There's not a stone in the whole works that is not going to end up in a heap of rubble."

This impressed on me the message that get your priorities right.  I have these dreams of traveling to Europe and taking in the grand landscapes and wonderful architecture, but really landscape can change so fast these days and architecture can crumble and fall - World Trade Center for instance.


  How fast the tsunami came and swept away a third of Japan last month, and along with it I'm sure alot of people's dreams.  Jesus knew that one day all the grand architecture they were looking at would be buried under the ground one day.  I'm excited that I'll have a chance to see all these ruins, but I'm positive that it will be nothing compared to what it once was. 

It's scary to even write this, because I remember when there was time when this was the stuff that movies were made of. Have you noticed how everything seems to escalating? Since about 1998/99 the movies are more apocalyptic - weather patterns are increasingly more violent. How quickly 9/11 came and turned our world upside down.   And with 2012 coming so close, people are wondering if this might be the end.  

This is what Jesus has to say..

^5-8Jesus began, "Watch out for doomsday deceivers. Many leaders are going to show up with forged identities claiming, 'I'm the One.' They will deceive a lot of people. When you hear of wars and rumored wars, keep your head and don't panic. This is routine history, and no sign of the end. Nation will fight nation and ruler fight ruler, over and over. Earthquakes will occur in various places. There will be famines. But these things are nothing compared to what's coming.

 ^9-10"And watch out! They're going to drag you into court. And then it will go from bad to worse, dog-eat-dog, everyone at your throat because you carry my name. You're placed there as sentinels to truth. The Message has to be preached all across the world.

 ¹¹"When they bring you, betrayed, into court, don't worry about what you'll say. When the time comes, say what's on your heart—the Holy Spirit will make his witness in and through you.

 ^12-13"It's going to be brother killing brother, father killing child, children killing parents. There's no telling who will hate you because of me.

   "Stay with it—that's what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won't be sorry; you'll be saved.

This totally got me thinking - I had to even reread this.

Do I have the guts to stand up for Jesus?  

What if it really came to that?  We - I take forgranted our religious freedom.  I have tried for many years to be ignorant of the persecution that is going on in the world, but no matter how hard I try, it is still happening.  For instance this woman...so sad.  Seeing those two girls at the beginning of the video made me think of my girls.  

^21-23"If anyone tries to flag you down, calling out, 'Here's the Messiah!' or points, 'There he is!' don't fall for it. Fake Messiahs and lying preachers are going to pop up everywhere. Their impressive credentials and dazzling performances will pull the wool over the eyes of even those who ought to know better. So watch out. I've given you fair warning."


There is so much that I could say about this topic - in fact I will probably do a whole post about it. 

 ^24-25"Following those hard times,

   Sun will fade out,
      moon cloud over,
   Stars fall out of the sky,
      cosmic powers tremble.

 ^26-27"And then they'll see the Son of Man enter in grand style, his Arrival filling the sky—no one will miss it! He'll dispatch the angels; they will pull in the chosen from the four winds, from pole to pole.

 ^28-31"Take a lesson from the fig tree. From the moment you notice its buds form, the merest hint of green, you know summer's just around the corner. And so it is with you. When you see all these things, you know he is at the door. Don't take this lightly. I'm not just saying this for some future generation, but for this one, too—these things will happen. Sky and earth will wear out; my words won't wear out.

 ^32-37"But the exact day and hour? No one knows that, not even heaven's angels, not even the Son. Only the Father. So keep a sharp lookout, for you don't know the timetable. It's like a man who takes a trip, leaving home and putting his servants in charge, each assigned a task, and commanding the gatekeeper to stand watch. So, stay at your post, watching. You have no idea when the homeowner is returning, whether evening, midnight, cockcrow, or morning. You don't want him showing up unannounced, with you asleep on the job. I say it to you, and I'm saying it to all: Stay at your post. Keep watch."

So good news for all those scared about 2012.  The most important thing is that Jesus says that, "the message has to be preached in all the earth."  That means when every people group has heard the message, then Jesus will come back to get his bride.

 Last weekend my pastor talked about this, and his take on it is not just every people group - as in nations, but different groups of people.  We as humans group with people of like interests.  And that Jesus will come back when every kind of person and interest has had a chance to hear about Jesus.

 I'm encouraged more than ever to keep writing this blog, because if I can be a light in anyway I want to be.  We are called to be salt and light.  To not hide, but to proclaim the message of a risen Saviour.  I don't want to be found asleep, worrying about things of this life, I want to be found doing the things of my Father.  And if I get called to heaven early, I pray that my life will be of some impact.

  I have made peace with the first question, do I have the strength to stand up for Jesus?  I think I do, and pray that I don't have to be tested in this.   I'm mature in my Christian walk to know when God is speaking to me and I had the feeling of not obeying.  So when He asks me to do something - even if it is hard or awkward (which it usually is) that I would rather do that, than have that awful feeling in my stomach wishing I could stop time and turn it around.  To me that would be Hell, trying to put that behind me and forgive myself.  I'm sure Peter had to go through that when he denied knowing Jesus not just once, but three times!

But I have one question for you.

 What will you do with Jesus? 

 Will you ignore Him and pass it off as a fairytale or just a story, or will you take it seriously and make Him number one in your life? The Bible says all you have to do is love the Lord with all your heart, your passion and strength and you'll be saved.  

Jesus loves Gays.

Ok, I was going to write about the End times, because that was what yesterday's reading was about, but I keep coming back to this in my writing, so I will let it run it's course.  So here it is.

 But this is not really related, but I have to say it.  I was watching Glee tonight and it was a rerun.  I was kind of excited about it, because it was about Jesus...well "grilled Cheesus", but then as the episode went on, it was written from the view that why wasn't God there when, this person's mom died, and why did God let this person's sister be born with down syndrome and why did God allow this one guy be "born gay" and all his "followers" (notice the quotations..) tell him that God didn't want anything to do with him if was gay.  It made me mad because this was written from someone who was obviously hurting, and didn't see when God was reaching out them.  People want all the answers and they want the now.

     But like a wise man I know once said, "...Maybe we are asking the wrong questions.  It's not why are all these bad things happening, but, 'what can I do to help?"'  I know that God created us perfect with no sin, and He gave man dominion over the world and handed it back to us to take care of it. God doesn't go back on his word and it has to run it's course.

WE let sin into the world and with it comes disease and suffering. 

WE are responsible for global warming - not God. 

WE are responsible for the garbage and all the plastic floating in the Ocean that is killing millions of birds - NOT God.  

We are responsible for killing millions of species by our selfishness and lack of concern for the environment - NOT God. 

    Sin is SO aweful, that it took drastic measures to deal with it.  Someone had to DIE, and THAT my friends, is why God sent Jesus.  He didn't create the mess and He certainly didn't have to clean it up, but He wanted to.  He was willing to clean up our mess knowing full well what was involved and He, Jesus lived his life fully aware with unwavering focus on what His life was about.   

We think we are so much more intelligent, but we are killing ourselves with all the chemicals and technology.  They come out with new medicine and then have to recall it because they find out 30 years later that it causes cancer.  Man, does not know everything.  It is hit and miss with us.  We have to use scientific method to get any sort of success - but God, HE just has to speak and there it is. He doesn't have to read up on how to use something, because He is the Creator-He created it.  Six days to create the world and one to rest - I think He did pretty good don't you?  We're still discovering some of the things He created.

Ok, back to persecution.  I just have one more thing to say on this, God loves gay people.  It's true.  His heart is so full of compassion for them.  It makes me mad when I hear of someone hating in the "name of God".  The term totally contradicts itself, because God is Love.  What is really happening is that a modern day Pharisee is hating on a Gay person - and that is not what Jesus stood for AT ALL.  He was in their face (pharisee's), and challenged them many times.  If Jesus was here today, He would be saying this....

"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor." Matthew 7:1-9

  So if you are gay and your reading this, seriously take another look at Jesus-the REAL Jesus.  Not what you've heard about Him, NOT what people have said - Find out for YOURSELF.  You will be pleasantly surprised.  I personally love the gay people that I've met -seriously.  I wish they weren't hurting so much-they are so broken inside. I wish I could take all the pain away, but I can't.  I know someone who can though. Jesus.

One in a million

This is such a beautiful song, and the message goes very much along with what I've been feeling the Spirit is saying to me. Be the answer.

Mark 10 - Loosen your grip - stockpile your treasure in Heaven.

I read this yesterday during my bible study and this is the passage that stuck out to me.  It's worded a little different in Mark as opposed to Matthew.


¹⁷As he went out into the street, a man came running up, greeted him with great reverence, and asked, "Good Teacher, what must I do to get eternal life?"

 ^18-19Jesus said, "Why are you calling me good? No one is good, only God. You know the commandments: Don't murder, don't commit adultery, don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, honor your father and mother."

 ²⁰He said, "Teacher, I have—from my youth—kept them all!"

What came next got me and made me ponder to make sure that I didn't miss a thing - I even re-read it a couple times.  

 ²¹Jesus looked him hard in the eye—and loved him! He said, "There's one thing left: Go sell whatever you own and give it to the poor. All your wealth will then be heavenly wealth. And come follow me."

I can imagine Jesus pausing and taking the man in.  Studying him, looking him in the eye, to make sure he was for real.  


 ²²The man's face clouded over. This was the last thing he expected to hear, and he walked off with a heavy heart. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and not about to let go.


You don't hear this message too often, but how many times does God give us the opportunity to do something - jump feet first and we stop to weigh the consequences.  How tight we try to hold on to things, when God asks.  It's not to be deprive us, but He knows that He has something better.  And talking to Christians, We have so many reasons for not getting involved in church - doesn't fit in with our "schedule". 

"I can't wake up at 8 am to sing at church  - too hard on the kids."

"I can't go to church, because my kids have hockey practice at 6am "

"I can't get involved in church because I don't know anyone"

There are so many variables and excuses, but it got me thinking Jesus could have had another disciple.  We only hear about the ones that dropped everything and followed Him and didn't look back.  This is the last that we hear about this guy.  He was so close.  He put so much focus and attention into keeping the commandments, but he couldn't let go of the "things" in his life.  Are you worried that if you take the plunge that you'll be losing out?  You're so close, you've been a good person , but making Jesus #1 is just too much.  

I say we need to find out what God's priorities are and structure our life around them - even if it kills us.  Life is not just about us. Christians, stop being selfish.  Coming to church and getting involved is not just about you - it's for others.  To build relationships, and to be "Christ" to others.  Be willing to ditch your "schedule" and make a new one.  Be flexible enough that when a crisis hits that you can be there- they rarely (if ever) come with an announcement.  I'm being impressed to get rid of as much earthly "stuff" as possible and see how much I can live without.  So here's what I'm in the process of getting rid of

• Books (I have so many books!  It will take me FOREVER to read them all because I'm such a slow reader),
• magazines, 
• Movie Channel, 
• expensive makeup, 
• expensive coffee,
• eating out excessively
• toys that the kids no longer play with, but we save for the day (that never comes) when we have small children come to visit.
• start shopping with coupons and look for sales when grocery shopping - be wise with our money.
• the dream of one day owning a big house - (this is a big one for me, as we live in a townhouse.  I'm just starting finally give that dream up to God.  Whatever happens, it's really not that important.  Though a big bathroom would be nice one day with three teenage girls.)

"Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being."  Matthew 6:19-21

P.S.  I'm so thankful for the friends who ditched their schedules to help me out the last couple weeks.  You are amazing.  thank you.

I'll Never Become a Christian Because...

I'll Never Become a Christian Because...

Living the God-Life

The last month while reading the Gospels, there seems to be a resounding theme - Live the God-Life, live life God's way!  Not only in my bible reading, but in what I watch on TV.  These mental images are just expoding in my head when I read.  One night my heart was heavy with things of this life, and I was even questioning God's call on my life - was I really doing the right thing by pursuing photography? And the Spirit said, "John 15...the Vine"  I memorized this verse when I was in grade school so I knew this verse well, and had meditated on it.  I opened it up in the Message Bible (my reading bible of choice).  and it said....

"I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of me that doesn't bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more. You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken.



4"Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can't bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can't bear fruit unless you are joined with me.


5-8"I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you're joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can't produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples.

9-10"I've loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done—kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love.


11-15"I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father.

And then it jumped out at me...

16"You didn't choose me, remember; I chose you, and put you in the world to bear fruit, fruit that won't spoil. As fruit bearers, whatever you ask the Father in relation to me, he gives you.

And as soon as I read the word "fruit" I thought of all the nature shows that I've been drawn to watch on Netflix where there was an abundance in these remote coral reefs where the eco systems were in tact, and not interfered by man and their chemicals, or a foreign species was brought in and threw the whole ecosystem out of balance.  I felt like God was saying that when I live my life according to his principals that can be found in His teachings, that my life will be abundant.  I was made to bear fruit and to share with others as a tree shares it's fruit to share with others. When I don't, my life gets poisoned, and I become self-centered and no good to nobody.


If you feel like your at the end of your rope, remember, that God has chosen you to be alive on this earth and there is a reason - to bear fruit.  To be alive to help others, to know who He is and have a relationship with Him and to encourage others to serve Him also.  If you don't know who He is, I encourage to find out by reading the Gospels.  Don't listen to what other people have said- find out for yourself, and make a quality decision for yourself.  I guarantee that the people that talk smack about God - don't know Him and haven't experienced His goodness.  They are so angry, and hurt and He seems to be the easiest person to blame it on.  God from the very beginning, has been all about love.  Unconditional love.  He DIED on a cross, knowing FULLY what was going to happen.  But He stood and faced everything - the excruciating pain, the suffering, because He knew that by shedding his blood it would cover the sins of humankind and bring us back into right alignment with Him.  He brought the spiritual ecosystem back to balance, so we can have Heaven's life here on earth, and in the earth to come.

The book of Matthew

I've been reading the Gospels to get ready for my trip to Israel in about a month - I can't believe it is so soon!  I started with Matthew..which seemed logical.  I don't know how many times I've read it, but this time seems more alive than ever. During Matthew 13, I can close my eyes and smell the fresh air, feel the wind in my face, and most of all I can see Jesus' eyes and his tone - how He interacts with  people, how he truly wanted them to get the message of who God was. 

There are so many things that "hit home" with me this time.  One of them is how he talks to the pharisees.  When I was a kid, I could never relate to it.  To me they were bad people, and it didn't occur to me that they were SPIRITUAL.  Jesus didn't get mad at the people who didn't know better, or ignorant.  He got mad at the people who acted like they had it all together, and imposed their rules on others.  They showed that they really didn't know who God was!

 Matthew 6:1
"Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don't make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won't be applauding. ^2-4"When you do something for someone else, don't call attention to yourself. You've seen them in action, I'm sure—'playactors' I call them— treating prayer meeting and street corner alike as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that's all they get. 


I never really realized till a couple years ago that there are still "Pharisees" today!  I realized when a friend who moved to Edmonton came to our church and I sat with her and her boyfriend and his friends who went to a different church.  Pastor Dennis what preaching a mean sermon, and the whole time these guys were talking and whispering to each other..."oh ya well what about this?"  I was so mad by the end of the service.  It was just rude and no sense of honor and respect for God's house.  I found out later that they were attending a seminary. 


Whenever I read something about the Pharisees, I was brought back to that day.


Matthew 12
^1-2 One Sabbath, Jesus was strolling with his disciples through a field of ripe grain. Hungry, the disciples were pulling off the heads of grain and munching on them. Some Pharisees reported them to Jesus: "Your disciples are breaking the Sabbath rules!"

 ^3-5Jesus said, "Really? Didn't you ever read what David and his companions did when they were hungry, how they entered the sanctuary and ate fresh bread off the altar, bread that no one but priests were allowed to eat? And didn't you ever read in God's Law that priests carrying out their Temple duties break Sabbath rules all the time and it's not held against them?

 ^6-8"There is far more at stake here than religion. If you had any idea what this Scripture meant—'I prefer a flexible heart to an inflexible ritual'—you wouldn't be nitpicking like this. The Son of Man is no lackey to the Sabbath; he's in charge."

 ^9-10When Jesus left the field, he entered their meeting place. There was a man there with a crippled hand. They said to Jesus, "Is it legal to heal on the Sabbath?" They were baiting him.

 ^11-14He replied, "Is there a person here who, finding one of your lambs fallen into a ravine, wouldn't, even though it was a Sabbath, pull it out? Surely kindness to people is as legal as kindness to animals!" Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." He held it out and it was healed. The Pharisees walked out furious, sputtering about how they were going to ruin Jesus.

I also loved how he put them in their place.  They would try to come at him with stabbing question, well He did just the same!

Matthew 15

1-2 After that, Pharisees and religion scholars came to Jesus all the way from Jerusalem, criticizing, "Why do your disciples play fast and loose with the rules?"

 ^3-9But Jesus put it right back on them. "Why do you use your rules to play fast and loose with God's commands? God clearly says, 'Respect your father and mother,' and, 'Anyone denouncing father or mother should be killed.' But you weasel around that by saying, 'Whoever wants to, can say to father and mother, What I owed to you I've given to God.' That can hardly be called respecting a parent. You cancel God's command by your rules. Frauds! Isaiah's prophecy of you hit the bull's-eye:

   These people make a big show of saying the right thing,
      but their heart isn't in it.
   They act like they're worshiping me,
      but they don't mean it.
   They just use me as a cover
      for teaching whatever suits their fancy."

 ^10-11He then called the crowd together and said, "Listen, and take this to heart. It's not what you swallow that pollutes your life, but what you vomit up."

 ¹²Later his disciples came and told him, "Did you know how upset the Pharisees were when they heard what you said?"

 ^13-14Jesus shrugged it off. "Every tree that wasn't planted by my Father in heaven will be pulled up by its roots. Forget them. They are blind men leading blind men. When a blind man leads a blind man, they both end up in the ditch."

 ¹⁵Peter said, "I don't get it. Put it in plain language."

 ^16-20Jesus replied, "You, too? Are you being willfully stupid? Don't you know that anything that is swallowed works its way through the intestines and is finally defecated? But what comes out of the mouth gets its start in the heart. It's from the heart that we vomit up evil arguments, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, lies, and cussing. That's what pollutes. Eating or not eating certain foods, washing or not washing your hands—that's neither here nor there."

What makes me mad is that they were the ones to took Jesus to be killed.  I know that it was all in the grand plan, but they still had a choice.....  I was reading the end of Matthew and it was interesting to note that even the High Priest had reduced himself at moment of Jesus' crucifixion.  

After they had finished nailing him to the cross and were waiting for him to die, they whiled away the time by throwing dice for his clothes. Above his head they had posted the criminal charge against him: this is jesus, the king of the jews. Along with him, they also crucified two criminals, one to his right, the other to his left. People passing along the road jeered, shaking their heads in mock lament: "You bragged that you could tear down the Temple and then rebuild it in three days—so show us your stuff! Save yourself! If you're really God's Son, come down from that cross!"

 ^41-44The high priests, along with the religion scholars and leaders, were right there mixing it up with the rest of them, having a great time poking fun at him: "He saved others—he can't save himself! King of Israel, is he?  


But I think the best part so far that I read was when Mary and Mary (just imagine if the other mary - jesus' mother was there, it would have been mary, mary and mary..haha.  sorry) were just leaving the tomb after seeing the angel totally roll the huge boulder that was the door to Jesus' tomb.  So they are running to Galilee to the place that Jesus told the disciples before he died that he would meet them and....


They ran to tell the disciples. Then Jesus met them, stopping them in their tracks. "Good morning!" he said. They fell to their knees, embraced his feet, and worshiped him. Jesus said, "You're holding on to me for dear life! Don't be frightened like that. Go tell my brothers that they are to go to Galilee, and that I'll meet them there."


To me, that Good Morning sounds really chipper and happy, almost like He has a bit of mischief in His eyes.  Almost like He was trying to scare them, while they are so focused on running back to the disciples!  


There was alot more that I got out of it, but I felt that I needed to share about the Pharisees.  I don't know why, but it REALLY bothers me when people are all so "I love Jesus..and he's the best thing that EVAR happened to me" and then they betray Him with their actions.  To me, don't call yourself anything if your going to act that way.  Not only to do you disgrace the saints who gave their lives for our freedom of religion - to actually READ a bible, but also for name of the One who died for us.  I hope that people can tell that there is something different about me, and desire to live their life according to "Kingdom Principles".  


To find out what i mean by Kingdom Principles...start with matthew

Irish dreams....sigh.

Have I mentioned that I have started a savings account to finally go to Ireland one day?  yep...$50.  Brian said I should save up at least $10,000 and my cousin Michelle (who lived there for 6 weeks) suggested that I stay for at LEAST three weeks.  Well, I am the queen of thrifty and I already have some fun FREE stuff to do.  In Dublin, I found out that they have free walking tours - I like walking.  And I found some accomodations in Dublin for under $100/night and they don't look too bad too.  I think one of them is a holiday inn.  I figure if I save up $50 a month I'll have enough money to go for my 40th birthday. 
Who would I go with?  Well, Brian said that he would love to take me, and my mom said that she would love to come too - after hearing me babble about everything that I've read (and after we watched P.S. I Love You)  The only thing that I'm worried about is that it is not going to live up to the fantasy that I've built in my head. 
I remember the first time we (brian and I) traveled back to Ontario for the first time after we were married.  I think we had been married 3 years, and I missed it so much.  I longed to be there more than anything, and that all my bible school friends would still be there.  Sadly, everyone had moved away, except I got to see my good friend kim - she lived in the apartment under me.  I was disappointed that I couldn't spend more time doing the things that I had spent countless time daydreaming about.  Anyways, my expectations were so unrealistic that it was destined for disaster.  I am going back to Ontario this june - all by myself.  I'm taking pictures for my niece's wedding- (I have a niece that is old enough to get married! - wierd!)  I don't think of her as a niece though.  I'm looking forward to having time to myself, and doing what I want.  I'm going to visit my brother and take lots of pictures of my nephews.  I'm sure that my diet is going to go completely out the window, because my brother knows how to cook ...AND all the best places to eat.  I'm looking forward to being with  my sister (in law).  She is so wonderful and one of my favorite people.

So back to Ireland.  I'm not planning too much...just little things.  I found a B&B that I want to stay at in Wicklow Co. and I for sure want to do some hiking.  Other than that, I think that I leave the rest to plan 5 years from now.  That way I don't manage to disappoint myself again.

Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor!

A friend of mine just posted this on facebook.  The Happy Face Spider!  It lives in the Hawaiian Rain Forest. To find out more just click on the page.

Lunches....blahhh

Well, I can't take credit for these photos, they actually came from this blog that I just happened upon today.  Very interested, and very inspiring - if you can call it that.  I don't know about you, but i have a picky eater in my family.  We can't bring heat up lunches to school and it has to be peanut and seafood (tuna) free.  So that makes it hard when two kids absolutely LOVE peanut butter and one loves peabutter.  But peabutter gets stale after awhile.  Anyways check it out, and I'll keep on trying to solve the what seems eternal question - what's for lunch?

It's sooooo cold.

Right now I'm in my basement doing a cram session of editing photo for a client that I promised the pictures would be ready in 2 weeks - well, that's tomorrow!  I hate that I procrastinate!  I'm really trying to break that habit - that's why we joined the gym again.  It's so nice it has a steam room!  I can't go in saunas because they are too dry and give me nosebleeds - every time I go in them without fail!  Anyways, I took a break to look at Facebook and I found a post from DiscoverIreland.  If anyone REALLY knows me, I have this thing for Ireland - it's like a strange eating disorder - but without the shame.  I don't know how to explain it!  I'm always reading, watching movies...i'm obsessed.  so...anyways..if I was telling this "story" most of my friends would have tuned me out by now, but for the patient...Look what I found! A soup recipe.  Just looking at it makes me feel warm inside.  I think I might try it - just have to find out where to buy butter-beans (Love them!)

Jane Austen

Well, I was quite wrong about Jane Austen.  The more I read of Sense and Sensibility I realized that she did add ALOT of detail.  I could imagine the expressions on peoples faces as they were talking, and feel their passion.  I think it was just in the beginning to get all the boring, complicated back story out that she tried to condense.  I really enjoyed Sense and Sensibility.  Jane sure knew how to build suspense, and interject suprises!  There was a couple times that I had to put my book down and just say, "wow! I never saw THAT coming!" 
Well, since I have this BIG HUGE Jane Austen book with like 6 stories in one book, I finished Sense and Sensibility and started right on to Pride and Predjudice.  Pride and Predjudice was quite a bit easier for me to get into because a) I could understand the lingo b) the backstory didn't seem too complicated.  A family with 5 girls and there is a wealthy man moving into the area.  The mom wants to introduce her family to him and hopefully get one of them married.  I think the only thing that bugs me is the fact that the families estate goes straight to a distant cousin after the father dies!  Why?!!  Why can't the mother own the house?  What?  They don't believe in women owning property then?  It still bugs me, and makes me so thankful that I live in a different time.  Where my whole identity wouldn't be defined by if I was married or not, OR if i was good "breeding".  BREEDING!!!  Sounds like dogs and horses.  Honestly, I want my girls to be happy with whomever they choose.  Yes I would want them to have a decent living, but not to be so greedy to disregard a person of character for someone who's personality is defined by how big their pocketbook is.  BORING!  In Jane Austen's time if you marry for money, it's considered a "good match".  I know that we do it in the day and age, but seriously! 
  I'm loving Pride and Prejudice, because the main character - Elizabeth has strong, decent morals and isn't intimidated to stand up for them - no matter how much money or influence you have.  Marianne from Sense and Sensibility was the same way also, but she seems to have more style than Elizabeth has.  Elizabeth isn't silly - unlike her mother, who is always comparing herself to other mother's in the community (ie: Mrs. Lucas) and is not aware of the people around her and how they percieve her.  Elizabeth is very self-aware and very discerning, and her judgment on character is always right.  I would like to think that I am that kind of person.  Not silly, or mean, or use my influence for hurting people and their reputation.  Which is one reason why people hate working with women - because they gossip and always backstab each other.  DRAMA! 
so ya..That's where I'm at with that.  It's either photo editing, photoshoots or weddings or scrambling to catch up on housework lately.  Looking forward for school to start.  Crazy.  I was happy for it to end in June.  My girls have such a hard time with kids.  bullies. stupid teachers who do nothing. silly kids (mine) who don't tell me stuff until it's too late.  So it's been nice to spend some time to recooperate and love on them.

When the cats away...the mice eat ice cream!

Well, I have the whole house to myself..well almost. It's just Allison and I. I like it, it's been a lot of fun, but since my life has been going way too fast in the last year, I haven't allowed myself to stop and take care of things around the house- and that's going to change! So here's a list of things that I do when it's just me.

• I watch girly movies! I rented "Leap Year" with Amy Adams & Matthew Goode. I actually really liked it. I was going to watch it twice, but honestly, i have lots of work to do before brian and Haley come home on monday. Also watched Bounty hunter, but it wasn't so good. I kept getting distracted...that can't be good when you're watching a movie. Also, I have to add that Matthew Goode looks WAY better in the movie than in this poster.

• I read! I don't know why, but I don't read when I have lots on my mind. I find that with each person I have at home there is more to think about. So I found when Emily went to stay with my mom, I could feel the stress go a little bit, and when brian and Haley went, my mind cleared a little more. And then i told Old Navy that I couldn't come in this week, cleared up ALOT more. funny how a 8 hour/wk job can do that to me! I also told the worship team at church that I wouldn't be able to help out for the summer. Man I do alot! Anyways, back to reading. I'm reading Sense & Sensiblity. Since I can actually concentrate on what I'm reading, I actually like it. The first few paragraphs a little confusing trying to figure out the difference between Mr. Dashwood, and Mr. John Dashwood, and remembering what his wife's name was. Though, Jane Austin does leave alot to the imagination. I can see why it must be hard to write a screenplay on one of these books, because she just skips so much, and where there could be so much more detail she just compounds it all into one boring sentence!

• I bake! I've made brownies AND cupcakes! I bought all these baking mixes from Costco. Even though I didn't have the time to bake and use them I knew that I would one day! And that day finally came!
• I go out for breakfast! That's one thing that Brian does not like to do is go out for breakfast. To him that's a waste, and that you shouldn't pay someone to make something that you could easily make yourself. That's true, but...to me it's so much more than that. It gives me a reason to get up and out of the house - especially when I have lots of stuff to do. Also, it's a great way to connect. Ally and I had fun talking about all kinds of stuff over chocolate chip pancakes at Denny's. (I had eggs benedict - not as good as I make it, but I didn't have to make it!)
• I have girl nights! Yep, tomorrow, some of my friends are coming over and were going to watch MORE girl movies! and I'm feeding them my brownies and cupcakes :) My house is clean, so I don't feel bad.
• I go out for ice cream! Tonight I took ally out for ice cream at Marble Slab Creamery. They have a new flavour - Green Tea! I wasn't sure, but I had a sample and it was delish! Not as harsh and bitter/dry? as the smoothies from Booster Juice (which I really like btw). It was really creamy and had a different taste. I paired it with strawberries and coconut. Ally got cotton candy ice cream with gummy bears. she's such a kid!

Anyways, I'm thinking about painting the downstairs bathroom before Brian gets home and do a couple projects that he hasn't got around to like putting new shelves in the hallway closet and may sprucing up the kitchen cupboards with an antique glaze. Right now they are cream, but I'm thinking of putting a chocolate brown glaze around the inside moulding for a new look. We'll see if I have enough time or not. Now off to put a little girl to bed and edit yet some more pictures.

Pressure!!

It has slowly been building over the last week, and actually the day before we left Disneyland.  That is stress.  Being is Disneyland - being on vacation for that matter was nice.  I didn't have to think too hard about what to eat,  just walked across the street and someone made it for me.  Or, wonder if I taken tomorrow's dinner to defrost, or if it will thaw in time, or school stuff, or hear how much emily hates school, and how she wants me to homeschool her again, or ANYTHING!  It's such a blessing to be able to take a break from life.  But... the last night in California, I peeked at my business email, and that's when it started.  I was starting to think about planning photoshoots, and worry if people are going to pay for their photoshoots, and how to go about _______.  Oh it's endless!  Your mind can really keep itself busy if you let it. 
Well, I've been quite busy with my photography and on top of it, Old Navy has scheduled me for everyday that I said that I was available.  Thinking that was too much to handle I chose to cut my availability drastically.  I felt so good last night, thinking about what I would do around the house with my free time, but that didn't last long.  Went to check my email to find out that they had scheduled me everyday next week again!  AND up it went again!  My heart rate, my breathing, the pressure on my chest...not fun.  This emotional rollercoaster can't be good for my body.  I talked to my boss, and it turns out that it is only for one more week, and then i have the hours that I want.  So i just have to press through, and try to stay positive.  Everything usually works out it the end...it's just waiting - the in between part that kills me!  Speaking of dinner, I should go make some.  peace out.

Colorpages for Mom

I'm feeling much better after going to bed early two nights in a row. But, I think I'm pushing it again by staying up late to fold laundry and watching "Rent". I don't know why I'm watching it. The music isn't that good, but it's better when you can see what they are singing about. I've tried to listen to the soundtrack online and couldn't handle it. The melody is nice, and the harmonies are INCREDIBLE but the lyrics are like talking at times and can be quite bizarre to listen to one of the songs by itself. You have no idea what they're talking about!

Ok this is a weird segway, but do you like coloring? I love it, and i confess that I love to look at the coloring section at Michael's - you know where you can buy those felt posters. I want to buy one that would take you forever to color, but then I think forward and it really would kill me to not finish it. And WHO has time to color when there's more important things to do like _________. But that all changed when I found this site! http://www.colorpagesformom.com/ Yes, a FREE coloring site with small manageable projects. I love geometric patterns, but they have flowers, butterflies...and it's for MOMS! That alone gives me permission to color!

tired...

I sooo wish I had the energy to post something meaningful today, but I am really tired.  Did a photoshoot yesterday..and that was INCREDIBLE!  I'm so happy with how the pictures came out!  But when I got home, I crashed and woke up at 4 in the morning!!!!  NOT cool!  But I do feel inspired to write, because a friend from church said that she read my blog and really liked it!  (yes you know who you are mystery person ).  And...I do have a couple meaningful topics that I would like to blog about, but not now.  too tired.  Oh..did i mention that I had to get up at 6:30 for church this morning?  uuuugh.  ok..i'm going. I feel better that I wrote at least something...but it's not all that inspiring or meaningful.

tick tock...

I think the only thing that I don't like right now about my photography biz is the suspense and waiting. Tonight I had consultation with a potential customer and she brought her father with her. They were paskistani/muslim so I was expecting them to want to negotiate, because the package they wanted was not your standard. I'm not a natural business person, but I'm learning to be. It's so funny that when God calls you to be something/do something, you initially think that your going to have to develop just one skill, but you end up needing to develop multiple! How else could He talk you into it?!! I know that I would have been a big chicken and ran away! Just like Joey from Friends - "I don't do sales!"

Last year I thought, if I could just master my camera...now it's advertising, promotion, sales, accounting...sigh. But I'm doing it! Hey, if God believes in me, I should certainly too!

Well I most certainly ended up doing some negotiating, and I have to say that I think I did pretty good. The last time I had to I was too desparate and ended up regretting my decision. This time I came to a decision that I think we are all happy with. I'm growing! But for now, I wait. They will get back to me in a couple days with their decision, if it's yes, then I'm going to be taking pictures of two beautiful receptions, one small intimate wedding ceremony, and formals. My friend who just came back from India, offered to lend me her sari, and begged to be my assistant. I'm imaging how colorful it will be...sigh. Oh the suspense!


Update:  I got the job!! and it ended up being my first indian wedding.  LOVED the food and the people.  They were so gentle and hospitable.  I would do it again in a heartbeat! Here's a picture that I took from it.

We made an agreement that I wouldn't show her beautiful face online.  Which is too bad, because I thought she was the most stunning bride that I had of the season!  Oh well.

B.C. - British columbia

I just came back from my visit to B.C.  I couldn't help but thinking how fresh and moist the air is there.  Up in the mountains, with all the trees...sigh.  It was a break that the girls and I DESPERATELY needed, even though it wasn't completely without it's ups and downs.  A visit with my family is bound to have some drama - it never seemed to be.  I keep telling myself that healthy families are loud and don't keep anything pent up - they vocalize their feelings and hopefully not hurt others in the process.  But how do they always seem to hit a nerve; a soft spot that hasn't quite healed?  Sometimes I leave there and think why do I keep coming back? Mostly it's for my girls, so they have a relationship with my mom and dad and auntie, but on the other hand - little things get said here and there and they cut so deep.  It's funny how a family member can hurt you 100x more than a best friend ever could, because they know you and think they can take liberties that others can't.  Trust me, it's not all bad. We have alot of great times together, but there are times that I wish my love language wasn't "words of affirmation".  The sarcastic, joking, bitter remarks stick to me and I don't forget them...."oh that's where your daughter gets it from..."  haha...ummm..no.  why is it all the bad traits, people try to pin on me?  why can't they notice the good ones?
I don't know if this is just a phase, where my emotions are always so close to the surface- emotional flooding as they call it in my parenting class.  If it is, I hope it passes fast.  I hate being sensitive, and vulnerable.  I'm working on it.  yay...another happy post from me.

Get rhythmn

Do you have "ah - ha" moments? What are they? How have they shaped you into the person that you are today? You don't have to answer, but today was one of those days. I find it so encouraging to go into the house of God each sunday, and be able to give my talents and serve. Most of all I am in awe of how God gets a hold of me through the preaching of the word, through my conversations with my "church family". Since I started to get busy with my photography, I realized that it was from God and I just gotta ride the wave, and just trust Him to give me the grace and energy to carry it out. I know that I have nothing to do with it, other than I do the prepratory work - like being faithful at my photography lessons, and learning what I need to know about working a business and selling myself. (the resources that God directs me to.)

Since it has slowed down for the month of May, there is temptation for the devil to come in and tell me that I'm not successful, and that I should just quit. That it's not good for the family for me to be working this much because the house IS quite chaotic.
But I have taken this time to catch up on housework, work at Old Navy, and work on my course. Just trust God that HE's taking care of me and giving me a breather before my big & first wedding season. But you know what, I was a little bit guilty because my house wasn't running smoothly, everything not "Perfect" (that should be a swear word by the way!!) and I told someone on the phone last week when they asked how I was doing, I said, "well, you know, I'm just trying to find that healthy balance between being a wife,mom,and working two jobs. I'm finding it hard juggling it all."
Well, today at church we had a guest speaker talk about getting into rhythmn with God - getting in sync. Realizing that there is a time and season for everything. And to trust that God knows, and takes care of us. (that's what I've been doing!! I've been doing it right!! yay!) Also to know what time it is. There is a)Chronos time - time that is measured and b)kyros time - experiences. Kyros is the God appointed time - when God opens up opportunities for you, you've got to run with it.
Another thing that I got out of the evening service, was a verse that my pastor when I was a kid would always quote it from Jeremiah. " i have plans of peace...to bring you to an expected end" I don't remember it word for word - but it was a promise that God thinks good about us, and doesn't have plans that would harm us, but are to prosper us and are full of hope. Did you know that was written to people living in the slums in Babylon?! They were unhappy! They were transplanted and God said that HE moved them there and He wanted them to happy and build houses and plant gardens and immerse themselves in the culture.
Then the pastor said, "how many of you moved here from other places?" Shockingly, 90% of the people in the sanctuary put up their hand. We - I was transplanted to Edmonton, and He has something that HE wants to do in my city. I love my city. I don't know why...or where it comes from. But it came from a very young age - God put it there. So all the trials that I go through living away from my parents is worth it, and I would do it again. I do miss my family, and the mountains...and lakes...and hiking trails...sigh. everything. But I know I would be unhappy, because I wouldn't be in sync with my creator.
Find out what God is doing and get in sync with him. get rhythmn.

Peace...

It's funny how a mother doesn't have peace until the last eyelid is closed. I just got out of the shower and was trying to figure out what was this nagging feeling, why can't I enjoy my shower?! Everyone's in bed...hey wait. Emily might still be up. today, one of her friends told Emily that she was a werewolf, and then did some trick that Emily is CONVINCED is magic. Em said that she was jealous, so said, "oh ya?! well I'm a leprechaun!" she said that they went back and forth, back and forth until the girl said, "oh ya, well then you better watch out, because there is a bad man who is looking people like us, and if he finds you, your in trouble!" So that's what my night was filled with...trying to convince Emily that her friend wasn't a werewolf. YAY me! The only way I could calm her down was to tell her that she could sleep in my bed. It was an act of desperation! I really don't want to share my bed, it's taken me years to accept that I have to share a bed with my husband! Yes I love him, but I LOVE to stretch out. The things we do for the people we love.