tick tock...

I think the only thing that I don't like right now about my photography biz is the suspense and waiting. Tonight I had consultation with a potential customer and she brought her father with her. They were paskistani/muslim so I was expecting them to want to negotiate, because the package they wanted was not your standard. I'm not a natural business person, but I'm learning to be. It's so funny that when God calls you to be something/do something, you initially think that your going to have to develop just one skill, but you end up needing to develop multiple! How else could He talk you into it?!! I know that I would have been a big chicken and ran away! Just like Joey from Friends - "I don't do sales!"

Last year I thought, if I could just master my camera...now it's advertising, promotion, sales, accounting...sigh. But I'm doing it! Hey, if God believes in me, I should certainly too!

Well I most certainly ended up doing some negotiating, and I have to say that I think I did pretty good. The last time I had to I was too desparate and ended up regretting my decision. This time I came to a decision that I think we are all happy with. I'm growing! But for now, I wait. They will get back to me in a couple days with their decision, if it's yes, then I'm going to be taking pictures of two beautiful receptions, one small intimate wedding ceremony, and formals. My friend who just came back from India, offered to lend me her sari, and begged to be my assistant. I'm imaging how colorful it will be...sigh. Oh the suspense!


Update:  I got the job!! and it ended up being my first indian wedding.  LOVED the food and the people.  They were so gentle and hospitable.  I would do it again in a heartbeat! Here's a picture that I took from it.

We made an agreement that I wouldn't show her beautiful face online.  Which is too bad, because I thought she was the most stunning bride that I had of the season!  Oh well.

B.C. - British columbia

I just came back from my visit to B.C.  I couldn't help but thinking how fresh and moist the air is there.  Up in the mountains, with all the trees...sigh.  It was a break that the girls and I DESPERATELY needed, even though it wasn't completely without it's ups and downs.  A visit with my family is bound to have some drama - it never seemed to be.  I keep telling myself that healthy families are loud and don't keep anything pent up - they vocalize their feelings and hopefully not hurt others in the process.  But how do they always seem to hit a nerve; a soft spot that hasn't quite healed?  Sometimes I leave there and think why do I keep coming back? Mostly it's for my girls, so they have a relationship with my mom and dad and auntie, but on the other hand - little things get said here and there and they cut so deep.  It's funny how a family member can hurt you 100x more than a best friend ever could, because they know you and think they can take liberties that others can't.  Trust me, it's not all bad. We have alot of great times together, but there are times that I wish my love language wasn't "words of affirmation".  The sarcastic, joking, bitter remarks stick to me and I don't forget them...."oh that's where your daughter gets it from..."  haha...ummm..no.  why is it all the bad traits, people try to pin on me?  why can't they notice the good ones?
I don't know if this is just a phase, where my emotions are always so close to the surface- emotional flooding as they call it in my parenting class.  If it is, I hope it passes fast.  I hate being sensitive, and vulnerable.  I'm working on it.  yay...another happy post from me.

Get rhythmn

Do you have "ah - ha" moments? What are they? How have they shaped you into the person that you are today? You don't have to answer, but today was one of those days. I find it so encouraging to go into the house of God each sunday, and be able to give my talents and serve. Most of all I am in awe of how God gets a hold of me through the preaching of the word, through my conversations with my "church family". Since I started to get busy with my photography, I realized that it was from God and I just gotta ride the wave, and just trust Him to give me the grace and energy to carry it out. I know that I have nothing to do with it, other than I do the prepratory work - like being faithful at my photography lessons, and learning what I need to know about working a business and selling myself. (the resources that God directs me to.)

Since it has slowed down for the month of May, there is temptation for the devil to come in and tell me that I'm not successful, and that I should just quit. That it's not good for the family for me to be working this much because the house IS quite chaotic.
But I have taken this time to catch up on housework, work at Old Navy, and work on my course. Just trust God that HE's taking care of me and giving me a breather before my big & first wedding season. But you know what, I was a little bit guilty because my house wasn't running smoothly, everything not "Perfect" (that should be a swear word by the way!!) and I told someone on the phone last week when they asked how I was doing, I said, "well, you know, I'm just trying to find that healthy balance between being a wife,mom,and working two jobs. I'm finding it hard juggling it all."
Well, today at church we had a guest speaker talk about getting into rhythmn with God - getting in sync. Realizing that there is a time and season for everything. And to trust that God knows, and takes care of us. (that's what I've been doing!! I've been doing it right!! yay!) Also to know what time it is. There is a)Chronos time - time that is measured and b)kyros time - experiences. Kyros is the God appointed time - when God opens up opportunities for you, you've got to run with it.
Another thing that I got out of the evening service, was a verse that my pastor when I was a kid would always quote it from Jeremiah. " i have plans of peace...to bring you to an expected end" I don't remember it word for word - but it was a promise that God thinks good about us, and doesn't have plans that would harm us, but are to prosper us and are full of hope. Did you know that was written to people living in the slums in Babylon?! They were unhappy! They were transplanted and God said that HE moved them there and He wanted them to happy and build houses and plant gardens and immerse themselves in the culture.
Then the pastor said, "how many of you moved here from other places?" Shockingly, 90% of the people in the sanctuary put up their hand. We - I was transplanted to Edmonton, and He has something that HE wants to do in my city. I love my city. I don't know why...or where it comes from. But it came from a very young age - God put it there. So all the trials that I go through living away from my parents is worth it, and I would do it again. I do miss my family, and the mountains...and lakes...and hiking trails...sigh. everything. But I know I would be unhappy, because I wouldn't be in sync with my creator.
Find out what God is doing and get in sync with him. get rhythmn.

Peace...

It's funny how a mother doesn't have peace until the last eyelid is closed. I just got out of the shower and was trying to figure out what was this nagging feeling, why can't I enjoy my shower?! Everyone's in bed...hey wait. Emily might still be up. today, one of her friends told Emily that she was a werewolf, and then did some trick that Emily is CONVINCED is magic. Em said that she was jealous, so said, "oh ya?! well I'm a leprechaun!" she said that they went back and forth, back and forth until the girl said, "oh ya, well then you better watch out, because there is a bad man who is looking people like us, and if he finds you, your in trouble!" So that's what my night was filled with...trying to convince Emily that her friend wasn't a werewolf. YAY me! The only way I could calm her down was to tell her that she could sleep in my bed. It was an act of desperation! I really don't want to share my bed, it's taken me years to accept that I have to share a bed with my husband! Yes I love him, but I LOVE to stretch out. The things we do for the people we love.

Breathe...

Wow..I can't remember the last time that I had the day to myself. They don't come as often as they used to. I've been working so much between Old Navy and my photography. If it's not one it's the other! But this month, it was weird like all of a sudden I have no bookings. I was scheduled to do a show at my church, but that fell through.

So I've decided that I will make good use of my time. I'm going to use it as a time to catch up on housework, and then finish as much of my photography course as possible. Last night I had a bath (with my newly bought bubble bar from LUSH) and took my textbook in with me. I got a couple pages read, then I was starting to nod off. I was thinking I should do this more! Look at me multi-task! I also did a photo shoot with Haley on Mother's day. She needs some current pictures for her grade six graduation. So my baby is going to have the BEST pictures up there! We had fun, I let her pick where she wanted to go, and we just wandered downtown. I even got her to take a couple pictures of me. It was a bit frustrating trying to communicate to her how to take the picture the way I saw it in my head. finally I just gave up, and realized I DID give her the camera to use, and it's HER interpretation. I had to just let go. It was fun to bond over something that I love, and I think she is starting to appreciate it also.

So right now I'm writing from my new computer. How am I able to afford all this new stuff...truthfully, I'm not. haha No, I've booked 5 weddings this summer and now I have to book more to pay for Photoshop CS5. I was happy with the 5 I booked, but now I realize that I have to book a couple more, to stay on top and not get overwhelmed-financially speaking. Anyways, a couple weeks ago I was editing an INCREDIBLE photo shoot that I had, and my computer said that it could save the files because I had low disk space!! AND THEN after I fixed that, the DVD drive crapped out, so I ended up giving the client 4CD's! It looked great and impressive, but I'm trying to do things as cost effective as possible! So I realized as nice as it was for my mom to give me an old computer, I had to invest in a new one if I wanted to get further with my business. So we went shopping, I did research online to find out what i REALLY needed and got some great advice from my brother( who just graduated from college as an IT tech!!). So yesterday driving home from Best Buy, I was a little nervous - hoping I made the right decision. Right now I'm feeling pretty good, but it's just a pain that I have download Photoshop again.