things are looking up

Would you know that the sun came out at around 7pm and THAT's when I got all my energy. I tidied the frontroom, and half the kitchen. Crazy!

So..today, I have a plan. I went to bed at a good time, so I woke up at a decent time. I had breakfast with the girls, and put the radio on right after they left for school. They get nothing done, if it is. And I did my hair, put on some make-up, and to top it off, I pulled out the big guns. I put on my perfume that I wore the whole week I was in Mexico. Just smelling it brings back happy memories, and puts me in a good mood. It's CKn2U. I love it. I brought a whole bunch of perfume samples with us on our trip, but that is the one that I kept coming back to and wearing almost everyday.

I was hoping that it was going to be sunny, because it was when I woke up. But the sun hid behind the clouds again. I was thinking about going downtown to do some photography. Maybe I still might. The light is perfect for black and white photos- but it's so cold! I had to put a sweater on....whaaaa. I really need to move to a different climate. Brian always jokes about applying for a job in Australia when they open up there. Wouldn't that be so cool? kinda...i would never see my family. oh well. (just joking...)

I'm looking forward to Saturday, because I'm going over to Rachelle's house to take more pictures for her. I'm bringing the girls this time. They are going to have so much fun playing, and I'm going to get my baby fix. Yay. :)

cloudy days...

I'm wondering if I have seasonal affective disorder. Today, I looked out the window, and it was cloudy, almost looked like it was going to rain. I was thinking about it, I wonder if being in Mexico with the super saturated sunshine had to do with my super happy mood. hhhmmmm....I told brian that I can't remember being so consistantly happy for so long since Ness Lake Bible Camp. (Which my girls might be going to this summer..btw.)

I didn't want to do anything, but I did accomplish one thing. I charted one of my songs. I've been asked to sing "Shown you Jesus" for Mother's day. The only thing is I have to adapt it for playing with a band, and make it just a little shorter as our services are a total of 90 minutes long. I'm not sure if I'll be singing for all three services, but I'll definitely be singing it for the first two! Wow...I just had to stop and think about that for a second.

I look out the window now, and it's still yucky out and to top it all off, I got my first issue of my House and Home subscription. I'm NOT in the mood for looking at pictures of people who have perfect houses, and fake smiles. I'm so jaded, or is it jealous....not sure. I'm not going to psychoanalyze this one. Maybe I'll turn on my radio...hopefully that will get me out of this mood.

I've got a pocket full of sunshine...

Just for fun I thought I would record the list of songs of what I listen to. Well, on Saturday, I was home and was listening to my satelite radio. I love it. I don't think I can live without it - just like my cellphone. (kind of) They play the best music, and I'm always hearing groups that I have never heard of before - especially on the Pulse. The Pulse plays the 90's and now - which is just perfect. Sometimes they will play some thing that just pulls me back 11 years. I don't know why, but Hootie and Blowfish, U2 and Alannis Morrisette takes me back to summer of 1996- The summer after I had my first boyfriend, we broke up after three months (Feb - Apr)( he said that he had a one night stand with some girl he worked with and he felt guilty. I think he was jealous that I was better friends with his best friend than I was with him. I was friends with his best friend first - I couldn't stop being his friend. jerk who knows). But he still wanted to be friends....What is that?!

Anyways, I was free, and living in the most gorgeous place! The Niagara peninsula was always sunny, and consistenly above 30 degrees for the whole summer. It was even up to 37-39 for like a whole week! My friends Kim, Dana, and I would run between each others apartments. They kept me busy, which was good, because it turned out that HE moved to town to go to school for the fall, and he moved into our apartment building also! I tried to be "friends", he made supper for me one night - shake and bake and mashed potatoes made from potato flakes. But it was awkward, and after that I stayed away and just stuck with my girls.

Canada Day was the best. You could look off the balcony of our 8th floor apartment that looked over Lake Ontario, and you could see fireworks shooting up here and there. It was so cool. I did lots of swimming at the public pool - they have outdoor pools there because it's so warm, go sunbathing with mom on the beaches of Lake Ontario or just hid in the basement of the library just a block away. I borrowed so many tapes from that library. Fell in love with guitar concertos, classical piano, and Vivaldi. My friends didn't listen to "secular" music, so i wasn't able to talk to them about music - only if it was Christian. If I told anyone that listened to Alannis ..oh my. Brian was the same. He said that one of his friends had a heart to heart with him about his CD collection. haha

I met brian at the very end of summer. I volunteered to be a camp counsellor for the annual kid's camp at the church, and I was counsellor for the 10-12 girls. It was fun. One night the girls and I went to prank the boys cabin, but apparently Jack Morrisette (husband to Mary who ran all of Superchurch) was sitting on his porch in the dark and watched us do everything. He laughed at my "sniper outfit"...apparently I wore white shorts. (i don't remember, but Brian will never let me forget) LIKE YOU COULD SEE THEM IN THE DARK!!

Brian was counsellor of the little boys- 6-8 years. He was so good with them. I took notice. He was good with all the kids, he actually enjoyed them. I found that to be very attractive - seeing as I was going to have 5 kids and they were all going to be boys. HA HA. The week was over, and he asked me out when we got home, but I told him that I didn't want to date till the end of school. That only lasted about...6 months. Which is probably good, if I would have waited longer, we might have been something. I ended up moving back to BC, and told him that we had to break up, because I wasn't going to do the long distance thing. Especially after my OHHH so wonderful experience with my first boyfriend, I wasn't going to do that again.

Brian had a better idea, that he would move. I told him that he didn't have to, and that I wasn't going to ask him or pressure him - it was his decision. His mom said for the longest time, that I made him, and that I took her boy away from her, but nope, it was all him. I left in August and he followed a few months later, and the night he got into Prince George, he proposed. I said yes and the rest was history....kind of.

Back to the grindstone...

Wow...Today was interesting. I woke up 5 minutes before I supposed to leave for work. My alarm didn't work again. So basically I looked like @#$%. But I'm quite suprised at how well I now function at 6 am- when I have to. It's weird having all this time to myself to think again. I forgot what a luxury it is. What did I think about? All KINDS of things!! Oh the things you can think. I did a lot of self reflection and tried to get the root of the pit in my stomach. First of all, WHY was it there? I came to the conclusion that I am really unsure about my plan to go ahead with my jewelry plans. I paid for all my supplies yesterday. I don't think that I ordered enough...but I've already spent quite a bit of money that I don't have. I get so many compliments on my jewelry, but would people go a step further and actually buy them for what they are worth- not what I get the supplies for? What price should I put on them...I don't want to go too high, but I also DON't want to go too low. AAAAHHHHH!!! It's hopeless...I could just go in circles. I really can think too much. It's a good and bad quality. If I'm heading a project, I can pretty much see any obstacles that could come, and be ready for them. But say, in relationships - it's horrible. When I was single, I used to analyze people, and try to figure out why they did the things that they did. Why they DIDN'T do some things. grrrr....there's so much that I don't know. I used to put a lot of junk on myself. I still do sometimes. But for the most part, I keep my relationships in perspective, and only let a select few in my inner circle of friends. I think I'm a pretty good judge of people, and if I do have misgivings about a person, I will most often keep them if my life if I think there's a chance that I might be wrong. The sad part is most of the time, my hunches are true and I get hurt. But, I would rather take the chance and love, I'm that kind of person. Anyways...that's me.

But Brian came and whisked me off for lunch. It was nice to see him if it was only for a little bit. It was nice to be back at work. I really do like the people I work with. This one guy Ryan, he makes me laugh so much. We're both a little older than the rest of the group, so we talk about old people stuff... like the 80's (ha ha), music, technology and how much it's changed since the 80's, how immature the rest of the people are that work there, and pretty much all kinds of random silly stuff.

So today was mostly lived in my head..till I got home, and I put my ipod on and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. then made supper, had a sleep...woke up and watched Heroes, and here I am downloading photos for people. I've been taking lots - I figured out how to do manual focus on the weekend (i sat down and read the manual on Saturday. what a concept!)

ok...that's all. no deep thoughts or quotes or scriptures. Maybe tomorrow. stay tuned. ;)

adventures during communion...

Do you like my new facelift? If I was on the ball, I could have had a cute one for St. Patrick's Day, one for easter...maybe I still might. Who says you can't go a little wild?! This is my blog damn it, and I can put up any background I like! ....sigh...anyways.

I thought I would quickly share something I've been thinking about this morning, that I forgot to mention about my experience at church last sunday. I actually heard God again. I thought for SURE He was gone. It was right during communion. They invited people to come up for prayer, and also to come up and get communion. Well, silly me, I didn't notice there was some sort of order going on. I walked straight up the aisle..and then noticed there was an usher there telling people that their row it was their turn to go get communion. I was thinking, "why won't he move?!" Then after a few seconds, I figured it out. I had to wait my turn. opps. When I came back, Chris, melissa's husband said, "You know they'll have enough for everybody." Well, our turn came, and when I sat down again waiting for the when I could eat it (which was right away..my sister told me, but I didn't know that). The Holy Spirit spoke to me. I told him, "I thought you were gone!" "Nope...you just didn't realize I was here all along. When you sin, it builds a callous around your heart - desensitizes you, and the more you do it, the thicker the callous". And I got a picture in my head of Reg -the cook from the cafeteria at WIBI. He used to always take hot pans out of the oven without oven mitts and it was CRAZY! Then all of a sudden we started worship, and I couldn't enter in as I wanted. I know this sounds weird, but I could almost feel it - feel the many layers that were built up. I couldn't raise my hands like I usually do, I couldn't sing without abandon...it was horrible. But He didn't leave me...just like His word says. And that makes me happy.

Psalm 139

The Message version

1-6

God, investigate my life;

get all the facts firsthand.

I'm an open book to you; even from a distance,

you know what I'm thinking.

You know when I leave and when I get back;

I'm never out of your sight.

You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence.

I look behind me and you're there,

then up ahead and you're there, too—

your reassuring presence, coming and going.

This is too much, too wonderful—

I can't take it all in!

7-12

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?

to be out of your sight?

If I climb to the sky, you're there!

If I go underground, you're there!

If I flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon,

You'd find me in a minute—

you're already there waiting!

Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!

At night I'm immersed in the light!"

It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;

night and day,

darkness and light,

they're all the same to you.

13-16

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;

you formed me in my mother's womb.

I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!

Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

I worship in adoration—what a creation!

You know me inside and out,

you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,

how I was sculpted from nothing into something.

Like an open book,

you watched me grow from conception to birth;

all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared

before I'd even lived one day.

17-22

Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!

God, I'll never comprehend them!

I couldn't even begin to count them—

any more than I could count the sand of the sea.

Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!

And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!

And you murderers—out of here!—

all the men and women who belittle you, God,

infatuated with cheap god-imitations.

See how I hate those who hate you, God,

see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;

I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.

Your enemies are my enemies!

23-24

Investigate my life, O God,

find out everything about me;

Cross-examine and test me,

get a clear picture of what I'm about;

See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—

then guide me on the road to eternal life.

Watermelon stone??!!

I'm home...it's been nice, but I still haven't unpacked yet. My suitcase is in the frontroom, and the girls suitcase is in the hallway. Pure chaos. This is why I don't travel too much...it's LOTS of work. It doesn't help that Brian has had the last two days off. I never get anything done. It's funny, I used to pray that he'd have a job where we got to spend more time together. He used to work practically 7 days a week. On his day off, people would be phoning him. Not fun!

I have to keep reminding myself...I wanted this. This is what I prayed for. ha ha. I get spoiled. He took me out for lunch yesterday, to this chinese place. We could have gotten lunch for one and split it..it was that big! And he took all of us out for lunch today, AND bought me the new Photoshop!!! I'm so excited! Costco sent us a coupon book, and in it was a $30 off coupon! I was beaming when I showed the guy who checked our receipt at the door. He was very excited for me. And I'm sure that I made people who were checking out jealous too. I think they wished that they knew how to use computers enough to get Photoshop also. I'm sure I skipped all the way to the jeep. true story. I've wanted Photoshop for at least 5 years. I used to have a free trial a few years ago, and LOVED it! Teresa bought me a subscription to Making Memories magazine, and they have a column on digital scrapbooking...I can put it to good use. :)

Also..yesterday I got a phone call telling me about a business opportunity, and I think I'm going to take it - in fact I have, but haven't told them. I'm going to make up a whole bunch of my jewelry and sell it at this Woman's Day thing that we have the church. So I have about a month to whip together about 25 bracelets and 20 necklaces and I think I'll make some earrings and maybe some bookmarks too. It's so much fun! I was shopping for supplies all last night and this morning. Brian thinks I'm going to have a hard time parting with my pieces and I'm sure he's right. I bought some amber, fluorite, citrine, cherry quartz (watermelon stone). That's it for now...there's a couple more stones I want to buy though. Last night, I put in "amber beads" in my search, and up came these beautiful amber beads. I clicked on them to get a closer look, they had ANTS in them!!! Yes...ants!! I was so grossed out! who would wear that?! would you? I felt sorry for the ants. poor ants. I hate ants, and I'm sure there's an abundance of them...but I wouldn't wear them! yuck. THough...I liked the ones with bees in the middle though..couldn't tell you why...maybe because they look less like a spider than an ant does.

Anyways....Yay!! At this moment, my life doesn't seem so desert like. I think it's all the shopping I've done, and hopefully in the end I'll make more money!!

click....click....there's no place like home.

Happy Easter !!!

I'm writing from beautiful British Columbia. It hasn't changed too much since the last time I was here - that was...well...Christmas. Before it seemed like everytime I came to visit, something changed around here - mostly the amount of trees. When I was a kid, you had to imagine where you wanted to go, now pretty much you can see it with your eyes. The "forest" by the graveyard is gone, my "bmx track" is now a casino, but the thing that hasn't changed is the feeling of coming home.

I went to church this morning, to the church I practically spent everyday of my childhood, from grades 4 - 12 to be exact. Westside Family Fellowship, well ...it felt just like family, like I was at a family reunion! Seeing people that I haven't seen for more than 15 years, and to see their kids...wow! There was one girl, I didn't recognize her, but when I saw her daughter- I KNEW who she was! I laughed, I cried..I hugged, and was hugged in return.

It's weird, I actually went to a different church on Sundays growing up, and went to school at Westside. I don't have the connections like I have at Westside. People are so real at Westside, they don't try to hide their struggles. The times that I have come to visit, Pastor Marlo usually asks people to come up to the front and share what God has been teaching them, situations He's been guiding them through, battles and struggles. I'm impressed with how comfortable people are with standing in front of a crowd and sharing what's on their hearts. How eloquently they can pour out the situations they are in, the struggles and put it all out for everyone to see. What's even more impressive is the response from the congregation. You can feel that there is no tension, or judgement- only love. My favorite story in the Bible is where the Pharisees bring this woman who was caught in the very act of adultry. They would normally stone a woman, if there was even a rumor of this, but they CAUGHT her in the middle of it! Jesus could have said alot of things, but instead he focused on her accusers and said, "he who has no sin, let him cast the first stone". They all slowly go away, and she left alone with Jesus. And He simply says, where are your accusors? has no one condemned you?" And she says no one. He then in reply says, then neither do I. Go and sin no more.

I could talk SO much on church politics....but I will save that for another day. But I will say this. This is the kind of attitude that we need to have in church, and in our lives. We're so quick to point out other people's faults, but quickly forget that one slip and we could be in the same place. sin is sin, and to God it's all the same. To think that can treat someone without dignity and respect, based on what we see or perceive is wrong. We don't know people's hearts, only God does. And we should leave the judging up to Him.

I dream about alot of things, and one of them is to be able to move back home. I miss Prince George. I really do. A few summers ago, I got to spend a WHOLE month here. Brian hated it, because I ditched him...but I loved it! And it was so comfortable. I know the courses I would take at the college and university here. The places I would take the kids to explore- teapot mountian is tops on the list, and there are always places that still need to be discovered.

But on the other hand, I know that it will never happen. The money is not there, and I'm married to a guy who grew up in the "big city". Prince George was too small for him, and that's a big reason why we moved- oh, and did I mention the money. Still waiting for it. They never tell you that one of hardest things about marriage is sometimes you have to let go of some of your hopes and dreams, and replace them with different ones. Though, another dream that I had when I was a teenager was to live in Edmonton, and be able to shop at WEM whenever I wanted. And yes, that dream has come true, now if only I had the money to go support it!

I quit!

i quit....You have no idea how many times I want to do just that. In fact I was just thinking it a couple minutes ago working on a new painting. The sketch is not coming out the way I would like, and it would be easy to throw it out. I sooo wish I could just quit at being a parent sometimes. Being a wife has not always been what I had envisioned it would be- WHAT?!! You can't read my mind??!!

But...what if quitting is good for you - like not drinking pop anymore, or eating processed foods, thinking negative about people in general, not filtering what you say, or a toxic relationship with a person who has nothing to offer, or maybe you're juggling too many things and the stress is starting to take a toll on your body. That's when it's healthy to close the door, and start a new chapter.

Some things are easy to quit, especially if you don't like it in the first place, say your job, other times responsibility and sensibility set in and make that move a lot more harder. but what if your addicted? That makes the act of quitting so much more harder. You know that the first high your hooked and you know it's going to be a hard fall if you ever stop what your doing. smoking, drugs, compliments, positive public opinion, the way that person makes you feel when they look at you that makes you keep running back for more. What if it all ends? The void is there and you have to somehow replace it. That's when you can't quit at quitting - life or death lies on the other side, death to your body, death to relationships, death to your soul.

We all have areas in our lives that we need to work on - but above all we can't quit. Quiting is not an option. Just like my painting, if I quit, I'll never get to see it's potential. In parenting...with as many times we have to repeat ourselves, we can't quit disciplining and doing what's right. In our marriages, we can't quit showing unconditional love. Fight until there is nothing more to fight for. In our attempt to find a soul mate and find true love-whatever that is, don't give up hope but don't lose yourself in the process. For our families, and friends, no matter how many times they may dissappoint us always be ready to be shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. Most importantly, on ourselves - never give up on your relationship with God. Love yourself enough to never quit and don't give up.

"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord."

I Corinthians 15:58 NKJV

" With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don't hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of the Master, confident that nothing you do for him is a waste of time or effort. " 1 Corinthians 15:58

the message

Spring Break...and I'm slowly going crazy!!

I can't believe that it's early wednesday morning...day 3 of spring break. On monday, I realized that it was only day 1 of spring break! ahhhh!!! Sunday I came home from church and it was so nice and sunny outside. I dragged the girls off their behinds and took them to the park to go sledding. that only lasted an hour. they were all laying on the ground exhausted..it was so funny. I wish I had my camera, Though..It was a big hill.

Yesterday...oh my. Haley was whining..the other two would have been happy playing Wii all day. So we went to West Edmonton Mall, to the "playplace" and I brought my camera. There is so much cool things to take pictures of there. I also got to see a couple friends there. My friend Nikki was working at a "gotta have milk" booth, and the girls played guitar hero. And I saw my friend Coral...as she was working on wedding plans. Today we went to Chuckie Cheese...I wish I would have brought a book. oh well. the girls had fun...3 hours worth! eek....crazy!! not for another 6 months!

tomorrow? ( i mean today) I'm going to run away for a couple hours and hide in the church office and help with some odd jobs. And probably go out for wings with "wic n woz" as ally calls them. The only couple friends that we have...ha ha. We almost have a few more..but brian works too much. oh well.