Girlfriends

Today I had the honor to go over to my friend Lizzy's house for brunch!! I love to go out for brunch. Really. There were families that we know who would always go out for breakfast together, and I secretly wished that my family was one of those. We actually didn't go out that much. My mom cooked everything. We had the odd outing, but for the most part everything was made from scratch - nothing processed or prepared. I've always admired her for the way she used to prepare Uber-healthy food for us. For instance, she used to buy wheat berries whole, and would grind them with her Bosch and make flour. And then make this thick, hearty bread. I always wanted to have white bread for lunch like all the other kids. But no, I had this bread that you took two bites and you were full. I actually crave it sometimes.
Ok, back to Liz. Liz and I have gone way back. We both grew up in Prince George, and went to the same church. I would bump into here and there, but last summer I saw her at a wedding. She said that she was looking for a new church, and I told about ours. She came the next day and has been coming ever since. It's been so nice to see her face every Sunday. I think because we go back so far, it's comforting. I know that I can talk to her about my family when I'm homesick. (which isn't too often).
It was such a treat to get out, and have some girltalk! We talked about underwear (my new $1.94 winter thongs! yay!), places that we've traveled (Mexico, Punta Cana), diet and exercise (which was started with Liz pointing out that my butt is smaller!! yay! someone noticed!), and always men (they always seem to creep into the conversation somehow!). I think it's funny how we process our thoughts as were talking. It's always nice to have an ear to listen, and allow us to vent our frustrations. I left there thinking that I need to do this more often, get together with girlfriends that is. I actually spend alot of time alone, or with Brian. Which isn't bad, I should mix it up that's all.
So, next week I'm going to visit Rachelle and her new babies. And I'm going to go to Ladies Morning Out on Thursday morning. Which is going to have more brunch and girl talk. I'm looking forward to it. LMO always has great discussions, some fiery, some very deep, some sad, but I always leave with a smile on my face.

memories of motherhood so far...

At my work we have the cutest kids clothes. It's funny that it doesn't matter which section I'm in I try and find a way to buy something cute. Like if I'm in baby, I'll try and think of who I can buy for that has a baby. I haven't yet, but I finally got a legitimate excuse to buy some baby clothes!! yeah! My friend Rachelle, had twins about a month and a half ago. They were preemies so they were pretty busy at the hospital, and things have slowed down, and I finally got to see them last Sunday. So, I thought I would buy them each a cute outfit. It was nice to handle baby clothes again. I miss it. It's funny how sometimes I'll be reminded about how mine used to be so small, and those years seem like such a blur.

I loved those years they were so magical. You could do something as simple as make cookies and you were a hero. I was very lucky to be able to spend my days at home with the girls. I had the odd job - like I took a cleaning job with a janitorial company when emily was around a year. that was like two hours about two days a week. I was nice. I used to take haley for walks when she was a baby and she didn't want to go in the stroller, so she would run for a solid half hour. It was so cute to see her chubby legs run. And she was always so happy, and bubbly. Emily was so petite and had the most gorgeous hair! When she was a year, it was to her shoulders with ringlets! I had so much fun dressing her up. I had more money, so I bought her some cute stuff. But ally, she was the one who was the best dressed out of the three. I think because I had a couple jobs. I also was the best dressed during that pregnancy. I bought myself some hot leather pants - can you image? I wish I had pictures, but I definitely felt the most sexy during that pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Haley, we were living in Prince George, and there was NOTHING. The only place where you could buy maternity was Sears, and my mom bought me a navy pair of cotton jersey pants (yuck!!!) and a pair of "shortalls" that puckered at the belly. So basically I looked like a blimp! I mostly wore sundresses, because haley was born in August. And that was a hot summer, my poor feet. They were so swollen!

I love babies and kids. That's another perk about where I work. The cutest kids come in the store. I'll smile at them, and make funny faces when their mom's aren't looking. Some moms are more friendly and will let you interact with their kids - especially if they don't have the patience. (I totally remember that!!) People always comment on how good I am with children and how I need to have more. Trust me, I'm at my limit (sometimes past it!) with three. It was hard to accept, that three was my number. But I thought, I'll just have to wait to be an auntie. So I just spoil my nephews, and friends kids. Everytime a friend has a baby, they know that I'm going to be holding it, and that they can leave them with me for long periods. After the bulk of my friends are finished having babies, I guess I'll just have to wait for grandchildren - which I hear from all my aunts is the BEST. That they never remembering loving their own children as much as they love their grandchildren. I have a bit of time before we get there. I still have to make it though high school and boys. eek. I told brian that he is the standard that the girls will measure every guy against. (so he has to step up his game!! ha ha) No really, He is a wonderful dad, and I think that he is aware of this now.
All girls want to be told is that their beautiful, and treated like their special. That's the way God created them to be. Women truly do bring beauty to the world and want to reflect it. And alot of times, give their heart away multiple times just to be broken. (Which I am the authority on...trust me) It makes me mad when I hear of men manipulating this truth. There's a guy that brian works with who was so excited to tell all the guys that he's found the foolproof way to picking up women- looking her in the eye and telling her that she is the most beautiful person in the place or some variance on that. Wow...Unfortunately that's the extent of it. All words absolutely NO actions. (Clearly I have to write about this more, because there is SO much more that I can write on this subject!! It's taking everything within me to NOT go there)

So ya..this is what I have to look forward to. I really am enjoying my girls right now, but I sometimes wish I had more home movies so I could be transported back in time. There is so much that I thought I would remember, and at the time it felt like the "magical" stage would never end.

Real-life Superpowers

Whenever you think of superpowers you think of Superman who can fly. Who is "faster than a speeding bullet", and has strength like no other. Well, I think we all have superpowers of our own. Something that makes us great.
Today when I came into work I was thinking about how much my relationship has changed with my co-workers since I started in September. For the first two days, nobody said a word to me except for the manager who hired me (which wasn't very much), and by the end of the week, only one person kind of opened up to me. She showed me how cuddly the male mannequins are. It's suprising...they really are. I worked on the sales floor for about a month, and it was so different for me. From coming from an environment, where we ate lunch together everyday, laughed, sent silly emails back and forth, would stop what we're doing to help each other out to eating lunch by myself, basically being by myself and doing stuff for myself. Another thing that was different, I was in charge at my old job. Alot of responsiblity. I had a job to be done and it was so big that I needed to get it done through others - which isn't always the easiest when your working with volunteers. This job, I have to wait for them to tell me when my break is, tell me basically everything. I know it sounds like I took a step back but there is benefits to both, and I'll talk about it later.
I worked on the Salesfloor for about a month and a half, and then they needed someone to come in early and cover for a girl who was on "logistics" (basically inventory, pricing, shipement, signs etc.) With that came a whole new set of people to get to know. I was basically thrown in with no training, and since I was the new person, I was the one to snub. I had to figure out how to read the merchandise display books by myself, what was the fastest way to break down boxes, basically everything. Nobody would offer helpful tips or even work together. There was so much tension within the group, that one morning all the working stopped and they had and all out verbal brawl. The only people that were not involved was myself and a new guy Toby.
So what does this have to do with superpowers? Wait...I'll come to it. Slowly I've been able to gain their trust. It wasn't easy. Doing something for them when I KNEW that it wouldn't be reciprocated. Asking them about their boyfriends, family,etc when they had mentioned something to me. I even one day had the leader of the group telling me all about her "friend" who she just needed to vent about. It was big, and she told me some stuff that I knew she couldn't tell the others girls. And...they are starting to work as a team! So...this is what I think. I think this is my superpower. I think that I can make anybody like me. I don't think I'm going to get along with everyone, but I honestly think that I can find something in just about anyone.
I think it's funny because I have a couple of the girls on "hugging terms". Which means they feel comfortable enough to hug me, and if you know me, I am quite affectionate. Ha ha...one girl always tells me that she loves me, and tells me I'm hot or gorgeous. Which is funny, she was the one who would say, "you can't be in on this conversation, your an adult! Your a a mom!" Whatever. The one thing that I have learned from working with 18/ 19 yr olds is how far I've come. I'm not insecure and need to be around someone all the time. I can do something nice for someone, because I want to, not because they might reciprocate. I'm comfortable with asking for help, and not feeling that because I don't have all the answers, that doesn't reflect on my intellect or character - it actually strengthens it. I'm okay with being mature, but I'm always going to be young at heart.

What would you say is your real-life superpower? I would say that my friend teresa's is that she can make friends anywhere and everywhere. Her personality is so attractive, you just want to be around her. Because of that she's careful about who she lets in her "inner circle" of which I have the honor of being in. I would say that Brian's is, he can make anyone do his bidding. His leadership skills are phenomenal. He's very influencial. He even can make up silly songs nicknames for the girls and at first we all say,"Brian!!! we are not calling Allison, Ally baba!!" And before you know it, her nickname is allybaba. I would love to write about all my friends, and boast about what I think makes them so wonderful, but so little time.

gym...gym and more gym...hmmmm

I don't have too much time today. Since the economy is getting a little slower, I am forced to make my own snacks instead of buying them. It's not a bad thing. I really do like baking, it's just the mess I hate. Last night I told Brian & the girls if they wanted me to bake, then they had to clean up the kitchen. And they did. So I'm planning on making some cookie dough (I'll make the cookies later), carrot muffins, triple grain apple muffins, banana muffins, and some Dad's cookies (chocolate chip oatmeal cookies). Wow...that's a lot!!!
Today, while I was at Superstore to pick up some eggs for my baking, I thought I would stop and check out their jeans. Anyways, while I was in the corner of the store, this bird chirped and I looked up, there was a little chickadee in the store!! He looked like he really wanted to get outside, because it perched itself on the window sill of the skylight. I ended up getting some winter undies. A pack of 5 for $1.94!!! So ya...I'm going to rockin' the snowflakes and penquins for the next year. I don't care.
I'm on Day three of working out!!! I've gone to the gym three days in a row! I don't remember the last time I've done that....ummmm never. I've really tried purposely to not be too obsessive with it, but I think I've got a good routine. three hard days (pullups etc./cardio), and two easy days (pilates & cardio). Today I saw a man about 70 yrs old do two sets of pull-ups. It was quite impressive. I think I can go up in weight, I pulled myself up so hard that I made the weights bang...oops. Today after only 10 minutes on the eliptical I was ready to quit. I had to have a little conversation with myself...(I do this from time to time)

"I want to quit, it's only 10 minutes in and I have 20 more and I'm ready to die!"

"k, why are you doing this? what's your goal?"

"uuuuugh....to be able to do a pullup with no help, and get down to 160, so I can rock in a bikini"

"sooo...what do you have to do?"

"keep going...this sucks"

I actually did finish, and it got easier after I "hit my wall" and pushed through. ok...baking time.

take me to the gym!!

I am so tired today, thought I am very proud of myself. I went to work for 6:00 and finished at 10:00. Then I headed straight for the gym where I did 30 minutes of fast cardio (thanx to brian's new playlist), and then 20 minutes of my training program. (5 pull-ups, 4 push-ups & 3 sit-ups over and over for 20 minutes). I am pleased to figure out what slowed me down last time, and that I actually did have the energy in me all along. Last time I worked out, after "Let's get Rocked" (def Lepard) there was a slower song, and THAT's where my energy fell and I didn't even realize it till today. So I kept listening to "Let's get Rocked", "Burn it to the Ground",and "So What!" (plus a few songs that I will keep to myself...but they really keep me going) before I knew it I looked down at my watch and I only had to do one more set till I was done.
I'm actually quite suprised at how well my body is jumping back. I haven't worked out since I started my job in September. I remember the first time I went to gym with Brian. I jumped on the eliptical and thought I was dying after 4 minutes! It was really sad. I couldn't catch my breath, my heart was racing so hard I thought it would come out of my chest. It was quite scary. But I pushed, and pushed myself. The funny thing is I practically grew up in a gym. My mom got me a membership when I was 12 to Centurion Gym in Prince George, BC. The reason was because the exercises that the specialist were not doing any good. I have scoliosis, and he gave me these stretches- they were so boring. I'm not suprised that they didn't do anything! So my mom suggested to him that I strengthen my back in another way - free weights. So every morning at 6 am, my mom would wake me up and we would go to the gym and work out. She worked out with me everyday till the summer, but then I would ride my bike there. (that was my cardio!! ha ha) THis wasn't just any gym. If you know Prince George, you know that Centurion is a hard core gym, with members who have had their fair share extra hormones -if you know what I mean. So just imagine a shy, sweet girl in this environment. The owner was very nice to me, and made me feel so comfortable. He was in his 40's, balding, but very much in shape. I almost feel bad, because sometimes he practically babysat me. He didn't talk much, and I was always asking him questions,"how do you make your protein shakes?" "I did my lunges..can you spot me for chest presses?? pleeeeease?" Sometimes I wonder why my mom never picked the YMCA, it's a lot more family friendly. I'm glad that she picked Centurion, because I have an appreciation for bodybuilders and how hard they train. There was plaques and posters of members who had won in various competitions. Being there made me want to go into bodybuilding, I almost did. I worked out there for 5 years then I went to an all-womens gym. I only lasted about six months there, and then I moved to Ontario about two months later.
When I had my first training session with my trainer,at the Y, we did an evaluation together, and she asked if I had any stress in my life. I pondered for a second, wow I don't! Because just a year before, I was way up to my ears in stress! I was trying to do it all, and I was doing pretty good for awhile. I atleast made it look I had it all together, but slowly things began slipping and I had come to the harsh reality that I really don't have as big as a capacity as I wished I had. I can't do everything! (and there is so much that I would like to do) I find it very hard to pace myself. I always do it all or nothing, in basically everything. Today though, after I went to the gym I went to the sushi place around the corner (my favorite "after gym" treat) and sat and read. yuuuuuum. It was so nice and relaxing. I then came home though to find brian waiting for me. I had asked him so many times over the last couple of days, but never listened to his answer. (have you ever done this? I do this with names also. I have to stop myself and focus.) So while I was out relaxing, my husband was home and made lunch for me. Hopefully I can make it up to him tomorrow. He has tomorrow off also.

random thoughts...as they come..I write them.

I'm thinking that I need to write more. I really have so much in me that needs to get out. I started going to the gym again. Brian made this inCREDIBLE playlist. I think he has a gift. I'm going to get him to make me more. It has a combination of all kinds of music - rock, pop,metal it's amazing that he can blend them all together.
For Christmas, I bought him a iTunes card, and one of the first things he bought was Nickelback. I really like they're new CD. I didn't think that I would. The songs I've ever heard of their's is kind of mundane and boring. But I really like the song "Burn it to the Ground" It's good for running to. Brian put it right at the beginning of his playlist, and right after it he put "So What" from P!nk. He bought that with his iTunes money. He says that he likes P!nk, but I think he bought it for me mostly. I think he loves me or something. :)
Anyways, I started going to the gym. It's been really nice to get back into it. I have this program where I do 5 pull-ups, 4 pushups and then 3 sit-ups on a balance ball - for 20 minutes!!! the first time that my trainer told me this I was very doubtful that I could do this. I eventually could do this, but it was on the pull-up assist machine. So a couple days ago I tried to do it again - I lasted 10 minutes! I'm going to try again. I really like doing pullups. I feel tough, and I can feel the guys at the gym watching me. ha ha - it's a nice feeling. I still got it
I also started doing pilates again. I've dropped down a size, and I just bought new jeans. I'm glad I get a discount on clothes or this would be annoying. That's the reason I stopped doing pilates is cuz i couldn't afford to buy more clothes. It seemed like every month I had to buy a whole new wardrobe, or wear my old stuff that was way too big on me. not fun. I'm so motivated when I look at pictures of me at Tennilles wedding. I had a great body! there's a pic of me talking to mom and its a side veiw and you can kind of see the profile of my ass - it looks so nice. if i do say so myself. now it's sagging and has dimples. how does that happen??!!! Oh ya, sitting behind a desk for a year.

I found a diary that I wrote few years ago. I don't know what inspired me to write it - actually now I do. I bought this book, "Writer's handbook" and the author has all these writing exercises, and one of them was to start writing in a journal everyday. hey maybe I'll do some of them on here. So ya. It was weird to read how my life has really changed since then. I made lists in there of all the things I wanted to do with my life - around the house. It's kinda cool in that most of them have come true.
I wrote that i had this crazy dream that it flooded again, and I woke up in a crazy panic. I guess I didn't realize how that had traumatized me. So in my dream I thought while the rain was coming down, "This can't happen! I haven't finished my basement yet!!" When I told this to brian, he measured the basement and that day we went to look at carpet. That was so sweet of him. And there's other things. I talked about how my van didn't have AC, and how I wanted a new one. NOw I have a beautiful one. Also how I wanted to take a trip, and how brian was totally against it. Now that we've gone to Mexico, he's the one suggesting places that we should go. So far it's only been places that are comfortable. I want to go on a REAL adventure. A whole new continent, where noone speaks English, I'd like to be the minority for once to get some perspecitve on how people must feel when they come to our country. China, India, Nepal, Japan, Ghana, Israel, and Mongolia again. I'll be patient for him to warm up to it, he's only been in North America all of his life.
That is one of my regrets....but, on the other hand, I don't think I was mature enough to be able to travel abroad by myself. I was quite niave. I know I could do it now. If I can take roadtrips from Edmonton to BC, by myself, then I'm sure I could travel abroad. I get so much slack from everyone for taking them by myself without brian. The funny thing is everytime Brian comes with us we have car troubles - except for last winter. (another story for another time) I say, If your smart, then why not! Hopefully, I'll be able to take some of these GRAND adventures with the girls. Brian is talking about taking the girls to Mexico. Emily would LOVE that! She used to watch Dora religiously, and one time when we were in Superstore, Emily started counting in Spanish and this lady happened to overhear emily, who was then 5. She bent down and said, " oh you know spanish?" and said a couple things and em just looked at her wide-eyed. It was really cute. Actually, I think all the girls would like it. anyways..I should go...and do something productive in another way.