Desert times

This is going to be a thoughtful more serious post, because this has been my mood the last few days. I've come to the realization that I have DEFINITELY come to a desert place. When I mean desert place, i mean a desert place of the soul. I heard various teaching on this- a really good one by Kevin Gerald, an awesome pastor in Spokane, Washington. Basically different metaphors to describe spiritual conditions of our heart and soul.
I'm amazed how fast you can go from being in a place of blessing and harvest - a place of being "fat" spiritually, to a place of fire and refinement. I knew it was coming. I always know it's going to eventually come. I've been aware of my various life cycles, that I'm not oblivious to them anymore. This is basically how it goes, I get teaching from God on a certain subject, I internalize it, and then I'm tested by outside elements to see how I fair. If I've learned the lesson that I"m supposed to learn, all is good. I just move onto the next lesson. If not it's a big circle, and I have to learn it all again.
I'm sad because the lessons that I had learned while in the refinement and harvest period, thought I had so strong within me were not as strong as I thought they were. I truly thought I was strong enough...but now I'm remembering once again it's really my ability to rest and trust in God. It's very humbling to be confronted with your own sin, and short comings. I almost made some really devastating decisions, because I didn't realize where I was at spiritually. One HUGE tip that Kevin Gerald says is not to make any life changing decisions while in a desert place. Last year I was in a desert place, and almost quit the music team. I'm so glad that I didn't. Because about a couple weeks after that I started writing songs, and that totally lifted me out of that desert place.

I know and felt that I haven't been on top of my game. The gifts of the spirit having been flowing like they have in the past. I've been giving wrong spiritual advice to people who confide in me at church. So I stopped doing that, because really any wisdom that I have is from God and Holy Spirit. When He's gone, and I can feel that the Holy Spirit is distant for now, that my natural mind can give some good advice, but not the kind that would touch someone's life and bring lifelong change. I don't want someone to try out my suggestions, because they see me as a leader and then find that was not to what God would have them to do.
I was seriously thinking of making some life altering decisions in my "drunken" state, and came so close to following through. And my eyes were opened, and it always seems that they are opened at church. My pastor always seems to have to the right message for wherever I am at. Things that I've been thinking about, contemplating...it always seems that my big decisions were made at church.
It's going to be a long road back to where I was, but it's worth it. My life is so shallow and meaningless without God. As you can tell by my posts, it's been all about physical beauty and my insecurities. Basically it's been all about me..my pride, me as the center of my universe. In truth the world does NOT revolve around me - as much I would like it to.

"One day spent in your house, this beautiful place of worship, beats thousands spent on Greek island beaches. I'd rather scrub floors in the house of my God than be honored as a guest in the palace of sin. All sunshine and sovereign is God, generous in gifts and glory. He doesn't scrimp with his traveling companions. It's smooth sailing all the way with God-of-the-Angel-Armies." Ps. 84:10

I'm definitely no Monet!

Last night I stayed up till 2am painting a picture! I finally had a chance to do something OTHER than housework, because I delegated (went psycho on) some of the housework out to Brian, and he in turn delegated some of the housework to Haley. Basically they cleaned up the kitchen, and I tidied the second floor. So for once in a LONG time, my house looked good. I'm thinking I need to delegate a little bit more.

So I was really tired from having my massage, and my bedtime is usually 9pm when I'm getting up at 6am to work, BUUUUT I didn't have to work tomorrow. So I thought...whatever! I'm doin' this! I haven't done an oil painting since my last year of high school - about 15 years ago....wow. Is it really that long ago? Oh my...........ugh.

K..I'm back. My mom taught me oil painting, and I entered them in contests. I won first for all of them. And this year I got some money from Brian's mom for Christmas, so I bought a set of oil paints with it.

I was sure that as soon as I put my brush to the canvas that everything would come back to me. Nooope. In fact, I almost panicked, because it seemed like everything I tried to do was just not coming out the way I pictured it would. I'm not used to this. I have a great memory, and it's so weird for me not to remember something. I usually remember things and details that people don't. (Except if it's detailed instructions...I don't know why, but I can't remember that.)

I was ready to give up, but I'm glad I didn't, but I don't think I'm the best oil painter anymore though. I think I'm way better at watercolor, and colored pencil drawings now. But I'm not going to stop. The only reason I started doing pencil drawings is cuz it's cheap and it was all I had for the longest time. I had visions of painting huge oil painting that cover a whole wall, but now....I'm not so sure. I have to keep practicing with the small canvas, before I fork out the money to buy a Huge canvas. They aren't cheap!!

Anyways, I'll post the painting when I'm done. I'm sure it will look good if you don't see the photograph that inspired it. peace out x

Taking care of me

I woke up this morning, and I had a pain shooting down my arm!! A couple weeks ago, I wanted to see if I could do the "Jackknife". An advanced pilates move where you put your feet in the air and only use our arms and core for support. The only thing is, it is really easy to put all your weight on your neck. So I was really reluctant to try it. So I tried one - it was good! I was so excited! Then I tried again, success!! I was feeling so good about myself. I was only supposed to do 2 for the advanced workout, but I was feeling a little cocky. I haven't done this for like 4 years! So I thought..I'm going to do this again. I swung my feet over my head, then went to lift them up, and ohhh no! I started to lose balance! So I quickly dropped down, but it was a little too quick and I knew immediately that I had hurt something. It wasn't bad at first. I thought that maybe I could stretch it out, or maybe my back was out cuz I could put it back in. But after 2 weeks still didn't go away. I kept meaning to get a massage, but it was bearable. I even did my upper body workout at the gym. (That probably added to it though..eeek)

So when I woke up this morning and was so tense, I thought, "oh no I really need to get this taken care of!" So I was going to go to the spa where I usually get my massages, but then they are so expensive and Brian's benefits only cover $50 and their massages are $90!!!! And they aren't always that good. I have a good story about that. Last year, Brian's sister came to visit and wanted to get a massage, and asked if I wanted to come. So I said sure. They booked us as a couples massage! That didn't bother me...just weird being naked in the same room as my sister in law. And halfway through, they asked us if it was our first time having a couples massage! ha ha LIke we were a couple....oh my.

Well, I remembered that my friend Vlad from church has a massage therapy school- actually his mother teaches the classes, he runs it. Anyways, he said I should stop by sometime. I got a graduate to work on me. She was really good! I think the best massage I've had...but I say that everytime. When I was in Mexico, brian and I had a massage on the beach, and thought the same thing then. Though he did this reflexology thing on my hands...oh my! I'm trying to keep this G rated....but there is spot on my hand. Brian and I found it one night during supper at Applebee's. We were sitting across from each other, and he massaged it and WOW!! I wasn't very hungry anymore ;) it was crazy. How did I get from pilates to this?!!!

Anyways..I booked another appointment for next week. I thought for that price, I could afford to go!! yay!

Goodwill goodies!!!

Today was my day to make a trip to Goodwill. I always dump a couple boxes, and come home with a small bag - usually books. I found out about Goodwill for cheap books a couple years ago. I went in with the girls when they were little, and found every book that I wanted to buy at Indigo for $2!! It used to be $1 for softcover and $2 for hardcover, but they now have raised it to $2.49 for soft and $4 for hardcover...which is STILL really good.

I've been collecting Barbara Kingsolver books...I think I almost have them all. She is the author of my favorite book - Poisonwood Bible. I lent it to my friend Rebecca..wow 8 years ago, when she was in the hospital after she had her 2nd baby (she now has 5 - two girls 3 boys). Sheldon her husband read - really liked it I might add, and I haven't seen it since. I gave up on ever seeing it again, and today while I was at Goodwill I saw it!! They also had another book of her's that I don't have - Summer Prodigal. One of her newest books.

I really wish that I was a faster reader, I would probably read more. For instance, I would read all things Jane Austin, the complete works of Lucy Maud Montgomery, War and Peace ( I know!!! You have to be a fast reader to keep you motivated for this one!), Anna Karenina, Lord of the Rings (I've tried to read this twice!! Can't get past the first two pages!!). I might even have courage to read authors that people don't recommend - maybe be more adventurous with my reading. But I just stick to easy reads like,magazines, Nanny Diaries, Series of Unfortunate Events, Confessions of a Shopaholic (I'm reading this now. Scary how much I identify with the main character Rebecca Bloomwood...eek), and DK travel guides - I have Ireland and New York. I hope to get more they are very educational :)

Teresa has the entire Harry Potter Series and has offered to let me read them. That will not be hard for me. I borrowed the first book from the library and started to read it to Haley and Emily, but they didn't quite get into it. I however read it for a little while after they went to bed and really liked it. I only have until August - that's when she plans to move to Calgary. So I better get on it- we'll see.

snow bunny

I went skiing yesterday with Haley's class. I've haven't gone skiing in like 12 years!!! I don't even own a pair of snowpants!! Luckily Teresa had a pair. I was kinda nervous. I've had some pretty bad experiences. Tow bar mishaps, going down the wrong path and ending up at a black diamond run, and some crazy snow conditions- Skiing in slush, ice, icy snow...lots of powder. I went down the bunny hill with Haley a couple times, and the second time down, it came back to me :) and I went down a slightly bigger hill, and that wasn't fast enough, so i took the chairlift up and went down the big hill. It was soo nice. I didn't fall once!

I learned to ski at Powder King in BC. It's so beautiful there! It's a great ski hill, the beginner runs though are pretty steep. I can't believe that's what I learned on! Edmonton only has a small bunny hill - great for practicing, and learning. I was looking at the hill and imagining Powder King or even Tabor Mountain in Prince George which are like 5 & 10 times bigger.

Teresa teaches lessons at the ski hill, so when she was done her lesson we did a couple runs together. It was so much fun. I now have a couple of skiing buddies. Cindy- another mom that I get into lots of trouble with, was there two and we skiied most of the day together. I think I won't have too much trouble finding people to go skiing with..I would even go by myself. I don't mind.

I'm so happy to say that I FINALLY hung some pictures! My walls aren't completely bare anymore!! Did I move here lately..the answer is no. I just painted every wall in the house...two years ago, and never put the pictures back up! why..because I'm a perfectionist. I wanted to have matching frames, and they had to be nice expensive ones like the ones in the magazine. And I would listen to Brian whenever I would look at paintings he'd say,"I'm not paying for something you can paint!" But realistically, yes, I could paint it, but I really didn't have the time to do it.

So....it's seems to be the time in my life, where I have money OR time..never both. So if I get some extra money, I would quickly buy something for the house and stash it, for the time when I can put it up. So I'm happy. I bought a cute wall ornament at Designer Depot (or was it Homesense in like the summer?) for like $15.00. I really wanted an Umbra collage frame - but they are like $100 (well the one I want...eek) So I compromised (for now), and bought a cheap one from Walmart (which will probably fall apart in like a year) for like $20. And I just put up some baby pictures, and some pictures that I had from before. Also, Haley and Emily made me some ornaments out of clay...I finally put those up too!!! tell me what you think .

twitterpaited

I was starting to feel weird about writing all kinds of stuff on here...but I just found another blog of a girl who has been blogging for like 9 years and writes about everything. http://dooce.com/ It's quite interesting...though she has a whole bunch of followers and I have three- For which I am very grateful. I found her on Twitter...and I don't know exactly how I did that. What is twitter? Well, it's kind of like a mini blog site. You write updates of a maximum of 140 characters. A lot of celebrities are on it...so I thought, "if celebrities are doing it!!!" I found John Mayer :) I'm a happy girl. I'm not suprised though that he updates like 10-12 times a day. I wonder if John Cena is on there. I should find out. I bet he would put lots of updates - well, he's a wrestler, and what else do you have to do during the day while you're waiting to fight??!! So..if you go on twitter, look me up and we can mini-blog together.

True Friends...

I am continually amazed at the things I find in people I know. Sometimes it is unfortunate circumstances, that have shaped them and made them stonger, but sometimes it is incredible accomplishments. Last week I had the opportunity to find out more about my friend Teresa. We have been friends for about 4 years. She moved into our complex the year that Emily started Kindergarten, her daughter, shaelyn also started kindergarten and the two have been inseperable. Her friendship has meant the world to me.

She is so thoughtful, friendly, smart, strong, gracious, put-together. There are times when I do something stupid (usually say something stupid) and I think, "oh my gosh, she's never going to speak to me again!!" Yet, she's still here! Anyways, last tuesday we had the chance to go out for coffee. Right now she's a part-time ski instructor, and nurse. Her ski lesson was cancelled due to the cold, so it was perfect for us to go out for coffee. We split a banana bread, and a red velvet cupcake. Yuummm!!! Our conversations always come so easy.

When we first met, she had casually mentioned that she was on the Team Canada Ski team, and I've always remember and hoped that the time would be right for me to find out more. Well, out of the blue she says, "you know when you mentioned on Facebook that you wanted to see some of my pictures from my Team Canada days? You want to come over and I show you?" Oh MY!! I was so excited! She is quite a private person, and for her to show you this stuff is such an honor!! She showed me her plaques, and awards. She showed me a video of her performing at Nationals and she placed 5th!!! and she was 1st in Alberta for three years in a row! She did Freestyle skiing - Aerials, moguls, and ballet- yes there's something called "ballet skiing". It's like figure-skating on skis. I had to question her on doing Aerial ski jumping...HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!!! that's just crazy! But sooo cool! I've always thought that she was the most amazing person, but by far she's my favorite...ha ha

I'm hoping that we can go skiing together. I haven't gone skiing since I was about 18, and brian hurt his knee skiing when Haley was a baby, so that ruled him out as being my skiing buddy. The sad thing is that she will be moving to Calgary this summer. So I am trying to gear up mentally for that. Last year, there was a couple times when we thought that Brian might get transfered to a different city. I was so suprised at how much people expressed how much they would miss me. I have to say, that I never felt so special. (second was when the UPS, Staples delivery guy, Telsco -security company for the church, and a lady at the company who services the church's photocopier all noticed that I was working at the church anymore and expressed that they missed seeing my "smiling face"..ha ha! "Where's Lyndsey??!!" Teresa will be so missed, but I've been incredibly blessed to have her only 2 minutes away from me for the past 4 years. Sigh...my cup runneth over.